Saturday, January 22, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Here I am again, trying to bring my thoughts together. Reminiscing the past and looking forward to better one. I still miss you but I shouldn't. I have to move on and look for another one who can love me more than you do. I always check facebook and twitter, taking chances. Who knows I might meet someone there. I have dated a couple of people but no one can make me feel what you made me feel and all of my other ex's made me feel when I met them. I am looking for that feeling again. It feels really good. It can make or break but I still wanna take chances. I keep on asking myself whenever I meet people, are you this person who can make my world turn upside down? Can you make me feel I'm a human? Are you the right one?
Monday, January 17, 2011
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Monday, January 10, 2011
This is one question that I have been asking my self...
Until now, I can't answer.
Why do i see my self half empty?
Why can't I feel I am half full?
I am searching for contentment, companion, attention...
and looking for affection.
I wish my heart is like a glass of water..
When I see it's half empty,
I can just refill with water.
But the heart is not a glass..
And just like some other stories that never end,
This question keeps lingering in my ears...
Am I really half full or half empty?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
"Lord, thank you for all the blessings.. without you, I am nothing..."
My spirit rests in You You're all I know Embrace and touch me Like a child I'm safe in You You're my shelter through it all You're my refuge and my strength Lord I hide in the shadow of Your wings My Lord, You're faithful You supply all good things You know completely All my thoughts My deepest needs
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
I have been thinking for weeks lately. Whether or not to keep my second facebook account. Yes, you are right, I have 2 facebook accounts. I had to separate my straight life from my "not so straight" way of living. It used be just one, when one of my gay friends commented to one of my posts that really struck me. Yes I am not out to my family. I'm just not so comfortable talking to them about it but I know they have a hint.
Going back to this facebook account, I have roughly 2000 friends there, i would say 80% of them, I don't even know. I just accept whoever requests just so i can have as many friends as I can. Lately, I've been thinking about keeping it. Why? Because I don't see any benefits from it except a channel to flirt around. This networking site has been there and it's just making me immature as opposed to becoming a better person. I wouldn't deny the fact the facebook makes me busy, keeps me away from boredom, let me talk to new people and connect to my friends. Yes, I call them friends, are they really worth calling friends? Where were they when I needed one? And where was I when they needed me? I just really can't see the good thing about keeping it right now.
Currently, it's temporarily deactivated. I'm still thinking......
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
No idle moments
We spent time last new year's eve.
Watched tv together at home.
We were never sexual.
We respect each other.
I started to like this person.
Problem is, I'm not sure if the feeling is mutual.
I don't want to assume.
I keep myself available just for him.
Makes me smile every time he texts,
But this bothers me a lot,
I am starting to feel excited...
I am starting to feel interested..
Jealous at people around him, "my competitors".
But again, I don't want to assume.
I am confused.
I don't wanna let go of this feelings.
I don't want to make fall...
I am scared.
I've been through a lot of pains on my recent relationship.
And I'm afraid same thing will happen.
I wish my heart is like a switch,
where I can just switch it on and off whenever I want.
but the heart is not made that way...
God, you know I am nice,
I just hope that whatever happens..
will make me a better person.
I just hope, the next time I fall...
I won't get hurt.
I am so confused....